Dumb Poems and Stories
by DominoTyler
Summary: K, so this was my first fanfiction...I'm sad to say...and this is where I post stories that are too dumb for anywhere else! Please...just don't even read this...
1. My Fly Enemy and Me

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything else you recognize in any of the following chapters. All rights go to their rightful owners!**

**My Fly Enemy and Me**

Harry Potter was sitting in the Gryffindor common room, when he heard a loud popping noise.

"Merlin's iPod!" He exclaimed, jumping out of his chair. He automatically looked to Hermione. "What was that?"

"Well, I hope I'm wrong, but it sounded like the apparation shield was broken."

"But-how is that possible?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, Dumbledore-"

"Dumbledore died, Ron," Hermione said. "Anything can happen."

There was another loud crash.

"Merlin's DS!" Harry said, standing. "That sounded closer!"

The fat lady's portrait burst into the room.

"Merlin's cell phone!"

"Wrong!" a cold voice said. "It is I, Lord Voldemort!"

"That's fly," Harry said, leaning against the wall.

"That's...what?" Voldemort said, scratching his head with his wand.

"Fly," Harry said. "Merlin's-"

"Enough with Merlin's technology, Harry!" Hermione exclaimed.

"What? I was gonna say Merlin's Shorts...Anyway, you don't know what 'fly' is?"

"Voldemort does not like being confused. Explain to me what this 'fly' is."

"Fly," Harry said. "What is fly? Well, it's-it's sort of like-well, I'll show you."

Harry jumped onto the back of the his chair and sang, "F is for fire, as in, 'I'm really hot,' L is for look at me, please, Y is for you all love me cuz I am the boy who lived! Now you try!"

"This is completely idiotic!"

"I said try! Imperio!"

"F is for follow as in you'll follow me or you will die, L is for the loser that I'm not, Y is for you know who-o; don't say my name or you'll die!"

"What! That is not what fly is all about! Now this way-"

Harry took Voldemorts wand and put it down and took his hand.

"F is for fire as in I'm really hot, L is for look at me, please, Y is for you all love me, cuz I am the boy who lived!"

"I feel all...tingly. And appreciated. Should we stop?"

"No! It feels great, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, let's do it again!"

Hermione and Ron watched the two with eyes wide open, mouth agape. "Merlin's toaster..." Hermione breathed."

"What's a toaster?"

"F is for fruit baskets from all my followers, L is for lying cuz I can, Y is for yelling, having fun, and no rules, my fly enemy and me!"


	2. The Unicorn Song

The dumbest thing I've ever written! My sugar high's scare people. To the tune of "The Elephant Song."

* * *

One little unicorn went out to play

Upon Mr. Aragogs web one day

He had such

Magical fun

He asked another little unicorn to come.


	3. The Best Juice

Okay, this just randomly jumped into my head, and I wrote it in, like, five minutes. Yeah, I know it's the stupidest thing I've ever wrote.

* * *

Dumb dumb dumb!

Harry Potter skipped down the halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a small bottle in his hand.

He laughed to himself. "Hehehe," he laughed. "Hohoho. With this bottle of ingredients, I will make the best juice known to wizard kind!"

He snuck into Snape's potions closet, where he had a cauldron brewing. "Hahahahaha, herherherher, I will make the best juice known to the entire world of juice!"

With this announcement echoing through the cramped closet, he uncorked the vial ad dumped the green elixir into the brown elixir, which turned to purple elixir.

The room was washed with a pleasantly fruity scent. "Hihihihihi, horhorhorhorhor!" He ladled his purple potion into a glass, and poured half the contents down his throat.

He licks his lips and tastes his mouth and-

"OH MY FREAKING MERLIN! THIS IS THE BEST JUICE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!"

Harry skipped out of the room with his cauldron and into the Great Hall, and jumped on to the Gryffindor table. He kicked over all of the bowls of pumpkin juice, and began singing.

"People of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, this is a little ditty I wrote about the BEST JUICE I'VE EVER HAD! Ahem.

"HEY ALL YOU PEOPLE! HEY ALL YOU PEOPLE! HEY ALL YOU PEOPLE WON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME? I JUST DRANK SOME JUICE, NO ORDINARY JUICE, JUICE FILLED WITH WORM

GUTS AND SNAPES PEE! IT'S THE TASTIEST JUICE IN HOGWARTS YOU SEE!"

He began to dump his chunky concoction into the empty bowls that had previously held the pumpkin juice.

"HEY MAN YOU'VE GOT TO TRY THIS FRUIT JUICE! SCOOBETY DOO DE BOP DE YEAH!"

Hermione leaned away from the disgusting looking "juice" and whispered to Ron, "What's he on?"

"Apparently, worm guts and Snape's pee."

Hermione wrinkled her nose. "That would explain some things."

Harry had begun to push Snape into the bathroom, screaming, "I NEED MORE!"

* * *

Hahaha I'm not even going to say you have to leave a review. This was absolutely ridiculous! ;)

Lovers Dream


	4. Voldemort's Favorite Song

Voldemort's Favorite Song

I don't own the song or Harry Potter!

You didn't think I'd forgotten about this story, did you? Haha! This is based off of Hitler's Favorite Song (Please don't tread on my cheeseburger) by Pig with the face of a boy. I hope you enjoy!

Voldemort sat at a desk in his current hideout, stroking something that lay before him. It wasn't something you might usually find someone stroking, but because Voldemort loved it, he stroked it nonetheless.

Suddenly, group of Death Eater's passed before his door, and he felt compelled to sing to them about his best friend.

"Death Eater's! You shall come listen to your Dark Lord or suffer the grave consequences he has in store for you!"

The five men looked at each other, looks of wide eye'd horror hidden behind their masks, before they scuttled into the room and sat on the floor as Voldemort stood on his desk, using it as a stage.

Strange accordion music suddenly filled the room, coming from seemingly no where, and Voldemort began to sing to them.

I had a little barbie doll, she was my only friend.

I took her to the grocery store and loved her til the end.

I had a Giant bull dog on my front door porch

And he ate all the bad guys that came in my room.

Please don't tread on my barbie doll,

She's my only friend in the whole wide world.

Please don't tread on my barbie doll,

Or I'd have to cut your head off with a blunt chainsaw.

I had a little wizard boy, I ate him for my tea.

I put him in the microwave ad I burned my mouth on the scar

I stole a child's broomstick and used it to do this: *cracks broom on face of death eater*

But then mein father broke it and it damaged all his face.

Please don't tread on my barbie doll,

SHe's my only friend in the whole wide world.

Please don't tread on my barbie doll,

Or I'd have to wipe the remnants of the blood on your face

Please don't tread on my giant bull dog, he's my only friend in the whole wide world!

He was little, and blur, and he kept me safe from robbers

But then I forgot to feed him, and he died and

It was very very sad

Please don't tread on my barbie doll

He's my only friend in the whole wide world.

How would you like it if I stole your Boy Who Lived

And I gave it to a Muggle in exchange for Dumbledore's robes?

Please don't tread on my barbie doll

SHe's my only friend in the whole wide world.

Please don't tread on my barbie doll,

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Ha ha ha ha ha

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Ha ha ha ha ha

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Oh Oh Oh No.

At the end of his song, he sat down on his chair and began to stroke his doll once more. He kissed her hair, then realized that there were five men still in his room. "Malfoy, get up and quit bleeding all over the floor, it was just a broom to the face. Oh, and could you bring me some dog food? I think I finally learned how to bring dogs back to life!"

The death eaters looked around him and spotted the dead carcass of a giant, blue bull dog lying behind their master.

The five fled the room, helping the disoriented Malfoy, and began to contemplate wether or not their Dark Master was sane or not.


End file.
